Your Birth trauma is Not Your Fault
Birth trauma is a heavy topic, and I am mindful to mums-to-be who will come across this. Please read this with sensitivity if this is something you have experienced…
Birth Trauma is the exception, not the rule. It's not normal, but it's common enough to need addressing. We must speak life back to the parents carrying the weight of blame, guilt and grief for their experience.
Some birth trauma is unavoidable, but the responsibility of the avoidable trauma doesn't lay at our feet as the birthers. It lays at the feet of those around us to respect our ownership and help us feel safe, loved and cared for. We do the best we can with what we have.
So why does birth trauma happen?
You didn't try hard enough
Your body failed you
You weren't strong enough
You didn't say 'no' enough times
You accepted the epidural
You didn't prepare enough
Your instincts were wrong
You didn't pray about it enough
You ignored your wants
Your mind wasn't strong enough
Absolutely not, let's try again...
Your values weren't held
No one advocated for you
Your body was threatened or assaulted
Your instincts weren't trusted
Your voice was hushed
Your body language wasn't listened to
Your preferences were disregarded
You felt unsafe, unloved and uncared for
You felt undignified and violated
Illness, infection or adverse reactions
You were misled or coerced
You or your baby suffered
Your baby was separated from you
Notice the one thing common? It’s not your fault.
Births can become traumatic when our lives, our baby's life or something we value in birth is threatened. It can happen when we feel unsafe, unloved and uncared for. Birth trauma is more to do with how you feel during your birth and less about what happened. It's subjective.
It's why some of us struggle to come to terms with our trauma; we don't feel validated because, ‘it could have been worse”. It's also why some of us have "intervened births" and still have a positive and empowering experience. It all comes back to safety, love and care.
We will be talking a lot more practically on what we can do to help us have a positive and empowered experience, no matter what happens. In the meantime, let’s explore some questions we can consider to help us feel ownership, safe and empowered in our births which we will be exploring on this page.
Do I have fully informed ownership over my birth?
Are my 'Yes' and 'No' being respected?
Do I feel safe, loved and cared for?
Do I feel listened to?
Are my needs being met?
Do I feel my instincts are being valued?
Do I feel dignified, protected and empowered around those caring for me?
Do I understand my legal rights in birth?
Do I recognise when medical options are being coercively presented to me?
Do l have a partner (s) who can support and advocate for me, without judgement?
Do I have birth preferences for different birth scenarios? (Plan A, Plan B-Induction, Plan C-Caesarean, D-Assisted)
Do I understand the physiology of birth and what hinders labour?
Do I feel safe in my choice of birth place?
Do I know where to seek support?
Are those caring for me managing their stress around me?
Will I benefit from hirina a Doula? (Spoiler - YES!)
If you have faced a traumatic birth, there is so much support out there for you. We will be creating signposting and information resources for you soon. In the meantime, check out @birth_trauma_association_uk and @theteaonbirthtrauma for some quality help, support and words of validation.