When The Fear, Doubts and Questions Come During Birth

Love is not the absence of fear.

Peace is not the absence of tension.

Trust is not the absence of questions.

Hope is not the absence of doubt.

Joy is not the absence of discomfort.

Courage is not the absence of apprehension.

Patience is not the absence of wanting.

Strength is not the absence of pain.

Light is not the absence of darkness.

Assurance is not the absence of trial.

Perseverance is not the absence of pausing.

Rest is not the absence of labour.

Resilience is not the absence of vulnerability.

Surrender is not the absence of control.

Birth is an incredibly raw human experience where we are drawn to the absolute limits of who we are. Our body, mind, emotions, spirit and trust in everything around us are brought to their most vulnerable state. When aiming to have a positive birth experience, we may sometimes feel led by external and internal voices to believe we are only allowed to feel and express positive thoughts, emotions and actions; suppress our apprehensions, silence our questions, and ignore the fear.

It can become unhealthy for us to deny ourselves the very normal, natural responses that come with facing something so monumental and testing. We are not promising ourselves a positive birth experience by only allowing ourselves to be “good” and “perfect”. We thrive when we understand what is normal, welcoming the human experiences as they come. We thrive when we embrace and are embraced as we are, equipping ourselves and those caring for us with knowledge and tools ourselves to not be overwhelmed, overpowered and defined by all our human experience.

We can thrive when we don’t ignore these things and have self-compassion, self-soothing tools, and deep-seated knowledge and confidence in the process, ourselves and those around us to hold a loving, safe space to care for our needs as we journey through the wonders and challenges of labour and birth.

Here are just helpful things we can do to help prepare us as we may face fear, questions, doubt and vulnerability during our labour and birth.

• Get yourself and your birth partner(s) educated on the process, your options, your rights and how to advocate/communicate with your care team. This will give you confidence and resilience to navigate your labour and birth however it goes, and give your preferences the best chance to be fulfilled.

• Consider hiring a doula who will practically and emotionally support you as a family and protect your space to create a loving, safe space where you are cared for.

• Mindful birthing/hypnobirthing - Use techniques to calm your body and your thoughts to release tensions, listen to what your body is telling you and cope with the pain and discomfort you may encounter.

• Address anxiety and trauma ahead of the birth - If you are exceptionally scared, have existing anxiety or previous trauma that may arise as you approach or encounter your labour and birth, consider getting some specialist support to help you understand yourself, your thoughts and feelings and find you the right support and techniques.

• Read up on lots of positive birth stories and ask your friends what they learned from their experiences.

• Surround yourself with people who make you feel safe, loved and cared for within an environment that makes you feel safe. If you’re in an unfamiliar setting such as a delivery suite, consider how you can plan to adapt the space to make it feel more homely and familiar to you. Consider the five senses as you do this.

• Plan your birth values and preferences - think about what it is that you need, what you want and what is most important to you. Make it clear and available to all those caring for you so that you can rest knowing those around you know how to love and care for you how you need them to.

• Embrace and feel what you need to feel without believing you are lesser, weaker or a failure. No matter how your baby is born, how you feel or what you believe, you are amazing and should be so proud of yourself.

• If you’re a person of faith (and even if you’re not but want to), prayer can be a powerful way to connect with God.